Haunted
by Kuroi Uma
Summary: A lonely woman, driven to make a mistake, suddenly finds herself face to face with her thought dead husband and the reality of a secret she now has to deal with. One-shot


_**Haunted**_

PRESENT DAY

She took a deep, shuddery, breath, trying to regain some of her calm. It didn't work. Her hand shook and the blade with it. The cold white walls of the bathroom made her feel so small, so scared. She heard voices. They came from the walls, from the ceiling, the floor… They surrounded her and reminded her of her guilt.

"It's all your fault." They whispered. "He will discover… He will hate you…"

"I know, I know…" she said barely audibly, closing her eyes and covering her ears. "Please, stop." She begged, but the voices wouldn't stop.

"You know what to do…" one voice said venomously.

"You have suffered enough." The other agreed.

She eyes the blade, still held tightly between her fingers, then her wrist, so thin, so pale. No, that wouldn't do. With one shaking hand she drove the blade to her throat. She stopped when it touched her skin. Cold, everything was so cold…

* * *

><p>THREE YEARS PREVIOUS<p>

Relena was sitting in her favourite armchair, reading a book, by the warmth of the fire, when he arrived. He always entered the house with a spring in his step, the only indication he gave of how glad he was to be home and back to her. After seven years of marriage, ten of living together, she had gotten quite used to it. That's why she stopped reading immediately when she didn't hear his step. He was walking silently as if not wanting her to notice his arrival. She closed her book, with a thud, and waited.

"Hey…" she greeted him with an easy smile. "You're late."

"I know." He kissed her briefly on the forehead. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Have you eaten, yet?"

"No."

"I brought Chinese take-out. It's in the refrigerator."

He nodded and left her. It wasn't unusual for him to be economic with his words, but something still bothered her and she couldn't figure out the best way to ask him. With a sigh, she stood and went after him. She found him in the kitchen, waiting by the microwave.

"How was work?" she asked from the door.

He met her eyes, calculating, then opened the door and calmly took his plate to the table. "I didn't mean to talk about this yet, but it's probably better now."

"What is it?"

"I've been assigned a special mission. I'll be gone for about a month… maybe two."

"Two months?" she slowly lowered herself on the chair across his. "Can't you refuse it?"

"It's a very important mission, Relena."

"Couldn't someone else take it?"

"That's not all…" he suddenly avoided her eyes. Her blood seemed to go cold and she couldn't find her voice, so she waited for him to continue. "The agent, who was given this mission before, failed. They found what was left of his body three weeks ago."

She stared deep into his eyes, but saw no fear, only worry, worry for her. She opened her mouth, she would've said something if her throat didn't ache. Instead, she shook her head.

Heero stood up and circled the table, sitting beside her. "I'll be alright." He said taking her hand.

"But why does it have to be you?"

"I'm one of their best. You know that."

"That isn't fair!" she shook her fist angrily in front of their faces.

He hugged her tightly. "I will be back."

* * *

><p>TWO MONTHS LATER<p>

"A week's delay is still acceptable, Relena."

She raised her eyes to him, tired of trying to stop herself from fidgeting. Heero had said two months _at the latest _and, to Relena, it didn't feel like a week was acceptable. She wanted to call Lady Une, ask what she was waiting for and demand that she send a search party after Heero immediately, but she knew she had no knowledge in that area and no right to demand anything. As any abandoned and suffering wife, all she could do was wait.

"You have been his partner and best friend for more than ten years! Don't tell me you're not worried, Andrew."

He turned to her, looking tired and aged for the first time ever since she had met him. "Of course, I'm worried, but there's nothing I can do. In fact, I don't think there's anything any of us can do."

"Couldn't you talk to Une?" she could see his whole expression soften, he smiled sadly, and she knew instantly what his answer would be. "I don't know what to do anymore."

"You have to have faith."

"Faith won't bring him back."

"You never know." He sat beside her on the sofa, she wouldn't look at him. "I tell myself he'll be back."

"You could be lying…"

"We all need lies once in a while."

She finally met his gaze. Something important had just happened, something she couldn't understand least of all name. His eyes, dark brown, had always seemed to hide all answers, for some reason, that day, they weren't hidden but exposed for her to see. She nodded.

"He'll be back."

* * *

><p>EIGHT MONTHS LATER<p>

Une had to force herself to smile when Relena walked in. She had long been expecting her visit, but the young lady seemed to have been more patient than she could have predicted. Still there she was, finally, and Une prepared herself for the confrontation.

"Hello, Relena. Is there something I can do for you?"

"You know why I'm here, Une." Determination was obvious in her voice.

"We did everything we could, Relena. So, no, I'm afraid I don't know why you're here."

"You have to send another search team." At that the Preventers' commander sighed and shook her head. Relena took a step closer. "I _know _he is alive!"

"He meant a lot to me too, Relena. Believe me. But the search party has just come back, they were there for almost six months… I think it's time you accepted that maybe the worst has, after all, happened."

"No." she shook her head adamantly. "If you won't find him, I will."

She left the office with angry steps. First, she had to discover where Heero had been sent and then, just as she had told Lady Une, she would find him and, hopefully, bring him home. With that decided she strolled into Andrew's office determined to get that one little information she lacked.

"Where did they send him?"

Andrew lifted his eyes from the report he'd been writting, so surprised was he that he didn't even know what to say. He stared at her blankly until she repeated her question, then, with a frown; he tried to understand what was going on.

"Have you been to Une's?" she nodded, and his entire face relaxed before he ran his hand over it, pushing back his hair. "Oh, God, Relena…"

"I'm going to find him, Andrew. I just need you to tell me where he is."

He stood up, crossing the office to close the door. "He told you he might not come back."

"He said he would be back, Andrew, and I believe him."

"Relena, sit down."

She frowned, but did pull herself a chair. "So…?"

"Let me tell you what the search team found. I believe Une hasn't told you?"

"No, she hasn't."

"His equipment was broken beyond repair, there were traces of blood in the room and all the money, he had to maintain himself, was gone." He could see over his shoulder as her hands started shaking.

"No body?" she asked after a long pause.

"No."

"Maybe he was attacked and fled in a hurry taking only the money." Her voice bore so much hope, it pained Andrew to even think he'd have to tell her the truth, because that had been the fateful conclusion of the searches.

"If that was so… Don't you think he would've come back by now?"

"I… But, then…"

"He knew he was going to be caught, there was no way out, so he destroyed the equipment himself. It wouldn't make sense for the enemy to do so, that computer had important information they could use against us. The money they took with them as well as Heero."

"He said he would be back." She repeated, shaking her head slowly. Her eyes begged him to agree.

"Relena…" he pulled himself a chair and sat beside her.

"Please, Andrew… Tell me he'll be back." She had tears in her eyes now, and he could see that, as hard as she tried, she wasn't able to escape reality.

"He won't be back." He said as gently as he could.

"No… It can't be… He can't leave me alone!"

Andrew watched her cry, he knew she desperately needed to, so he simply handed her the box of paper tissues, he kept on his desk, and waited. When she finally looked up from her twisting hands, her eyes were red and her lips were swollen. She looked completely lost, like a small child waiting for her parents to tell her what to do next.

"It's more painful for those that remain."

She nodded, giving her sore throat a short break before speaking again. "I've been so lonely…"

"I know, I've been lonely my whole life, but I also know you're a very strong woman, Relena, and you will make it." He offered her a smile, though she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes had found an old picture of a twenty year old Heero standing beside his new partner, they looked fulfilled. "We had just closed our first case together." Andrew commented, following her gaze.

"Do you… miss him?"

"Of course, I do. Especially at five when we used to take a break and enjoy a cup of coffee together."

"I don't know that side of him very well…"

"I can tell you more whenever you want."

Their eyes met, and, for a fraction of a second, he feared she would start crying again but, instead, she did something completely different. "Come home with me."

He looked deep into her eyes and saw loneliness, loneliness and conviction. He nodded.

* * *

><p>FOURTEEN MONTHS LATER<p>

It was raining when she got home. She removed her shoes even before closing the door, her feet ached. The entire neighbourhood seemed to be without electricity, so she didn't even bother trying to turn the lights on. Abandoning her bags on the sofa, she headed straight to the kitchen. Andrew never seemed to have any food in his place, and she was starving.

The cold tiles felt wonderful under her feet as she circled the table to get to the refrigerator. It was then that she heard it, her name. There was no way she wouldn't recognise that voice. She turned to the door, and there he was, a silhouette framed by the silver glow of the constantly falling lightning. She thought she was seeing a ghost.

"Heero…" she could only watch as he limped towards her.

He kissed her hard, as if his life depended on it, then, when she thought she would pass out, he pulled away. She still couldn't see his face for he had buried it in her hair and throat, but she could feel how thin he was and how cold. She imagined what he must have gone through just to make it back into her arms, all that while she was with Andrew, cheating… Cheating on the only man she had ever loved.

"I thought I'd never see you again…" he confessed, finally meeting her eyes. Even in the dark, he could see her tears. He knew how much she must have suffered, worrying and waiting for him. It had been two years, he had even been considered dead.

Relena found no words, so she hugged him again, sobbing desperately. A voice inside her head called her a liar, warned her that he would discover, that he would leave her. She had no answers to that voice, and the reason why was too scary for her to admit. She knew the voice was right.

* * *

><p>PRESENT DAY<p>

After Heero's return, her life had turned into Hell. Every time he touched her, she broke down. She felt dirty, unworthy of him, unworthy of his love. And yet, as much as she suffered, she couldn't help running back into his arms every night when he arrived from work.

The voices inside her head grew loud and insistent. In two months, she couldn't work anymore, couldn't concentrate. She stopped going to parties and social events, afraid that she may meet Andrew. Her friends called her, wondering if she was still alive, at first she would play it off but after sometime she stopped answering them. It didn't matter anymore.

"They are not really your friends… Who would want to be your friend?" the voices asked her.

When she stopped going out completely, Heero's growing concern started showing, but it only made her feel worse. She distanced herself from him, even though she needed him, because she didn't deserve his concern just as she didn't deserve his love. By then, the voices were driving her insane, and she was so tired… Death started looking like the best way out.

"Do it…" the walls whispered to her, and she held the blade more tightly. "Do it… No one will miss you. You know that."

She tried to reply that Heero would, he _would _miss her, but she knew it was a lie. He would be better without her. Eyes closed, she pressed the cold metal against her throat. Then, she heard the front door. Her eyes fluttered open and her heart sped up.

"Do it…" the voice insisted as she heard steps on the stairs. "Do it!"

With one final effort, she raised the blade again. She didn't want him to see… What would he think? What would he say?

"Heero…" she whispered and fell into darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>An attempt at angst written for a friend and now posted here. The ending is pretty much left to the readers imagination, it could be happy or tragic. Thanks for reading!


End file.
